When Your Soul Mate Changes, Or Refuses To
Soul mate relationships are intense. “This relationship is the most powerful I’ve ever experienced. This person must be my soul mate. She I shared the most intense connection I’ve ever had. She feels familiar. It’s like we’ve known each other forever. We’ve been by so much together. Things went well for quite a while but now we’re having a problem and we can’t seem to get past it. I feel like this person is my soul mate and I don’t want to give up hope and blow it. Soul mate relationships are supposed to work, right?”
I’ve gotten that question about soul mates hundreds of times in psychic readings and from past life regression clients. Although soul mate relationships can be beautiful, they can also be painful and confusing.
What is a soul mate? Over the time of many lifetimes, every soul develops bonds with others who’ve incarnated with it while sorting by a wide range of karmic experiences to sustain mutual growth and evolution. These experiences include multiple relationship forms (e.g. parent-child, lover, sibling, friend, colleague, perpetrator-victim, etc.) and can vary from love to hate and every emotion in between. by the good and the bad, souls bond over their shared experiences and gravitate toward one another to continue sorting by their shared karma (i.e. learning and work toward evolution) in later lifetimes. As the soul ages by multiple lifetimes, it acquires many soul mates. They are also referred to as ‘time-travelers’ or ‘soul groupings.’
Twin Flames are the other portions of one soul. Many people mistakenly refer to a twin flame as a soul mate. A twin flame is one’s ‘other half.’ The soul does divided, sometimes in two or already three parts, in order to allow for more accelerated evolution by similar lifetimes (more than one lifetime at a time) with varying experiences. There’s always a yearning to reconnect with the other part of one’s soul but that does not happen in every lifetime. Although twin flames carry a very special bond, their energies don’t express themselves identically as they’ve incarnated into 2 bodies with biological, psychological and soul evolutionary influences that make them different. Relationships between twin flames can equally as challenging as they are thorough.
Karmic relationships and circumstances are agreed upon by the souls involved prior to incarnating. That’s part of the soul contract. However, we humans always have choices as to how we manager our lives. Some people align beautifully with their soul contracts (higher purposes) and evolve brilliantly. Others stagger.
For soul mates and twin flames, the human connection is very strong. People often have the sense that they’re supposed to be with that person. On a soul level, they intuitively connect with the light of the other soul (or twin). To see the light of another soul is considerably moving. But when struggles arise in the relationship, it can be particularly confusing, especially when one person isn’t moving forward. Unless both humans are willing to do their karmic work, the relationship cannot exist in its highest form. Things consequently stagnate and that’s quite painful for the person who’s trying to make it work. The ego is confused by what the soul is sensing because the psyche and behavior of the other person are responding differently than its highest possible, often coming from emotional wounding and fear. Sometimes these relationships have to end in order to allow the person who’s trying to move forward to do so effectively. The soul of the person who didn’t align will understand where it went wrong during its life review after death.
Hope is not lost for the person with greater awareness. The Universe always has back up plans with other opportunities to sustain growth. If you’ve ever seen the film “The Adjustment Bureau,” you may grasp the concept of ripple effects and multiple possibilities cast by each choice. There will always be opportunities to continue growing and loving by relationship, already if someone else doesn’t do his or her part!
Sometimes soul mates and twin flames need to part ways in a given lifetime in order to honor the true expression that each is trying to take on in order to evolve authentically. When we reach a point where we can see someone for who he or she truly is and can lovingly set that person free, both souls can illuminate as a consequence. But the emotional journey of getting there is difficult. The ego feels attached to the other soul and may struggle to let go. No one ever said that karmic work is easy!
Lastly, there are indeed lifetimes during which soul mates and twin flames manage to evolve together by loving relationship. Although the relationships may be deeply connected, they nevertheless include hard work. Soul mates and twin flames don’t simply run off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
If you find yourself in a powerful relationship struggle where there’s a thorough bond but you can’t figure out whether or not to stay with that person, you might consider exploring or journaling the following questions:
- What positive characteristics do you see in the other person and how frequently or consistently do you experience them?
- What characteristics do you find lacking and how often do you wish there was more?
- To what extent have you addressed your needs with the other person? How does that person respond? What kind of follow by are you getting from that person?
- To what extent are the two of you growing as individuals and as a associate and to what extent are you stagnating?
- Have you tried couples therapy? Did you try again if it didn’t work or if the therapist wasn’t a good match for you? What was the outcome?
- To what extent are you holding onto a fantasy of something that you wish for or something from the past? To what extent are you getting what you need in the present?
If you find yourself getting clear that the relationship isn’t going where you want it to and feel you need to move on but are struggling to do so or if you’re trying to figure out your role in the mix in addition as that of the other person, hypnotherapy, past life regression therapy and talk therapy may help you sort it out.
Soul mate relationships can be complicated. This article is not intended as a prescription for making decisions about your relationships. It’s intended to offer spiritual and psychological perspective only.